Sardar strikes again! Sardar Jokes

 

1.        Sugar Test

Sardar enters kitchen, opens sugar box, looks inside and closes it. This he does again and again. Why?

Because the doctor told him to check sugar regularly.

2.       Apple in a Mango Tree

Sardar climbed a tree. Monkey asked: "Too uper kyon aaya?"

Sardar: "Apple Khane"

Monkey: "Yeh to mango tree"

Sardar: "Idiot, apple saath laaya hoon"

3.       Sardars and scooter

Three Sardars were going on a scooter. Traffic police showed them his hand. One of the Sardars told: We are already three, sorry, there is no space.

4.       Lion and Sardars

Two Sardars were in a forest, when a lion came roaring towards them. One of them throws sand into its eyes, and runs. Second one stays unmoved. When asked why he is not running, another Sardar tells: "Why should I be running? It is you who has thrown the sand "

5.       Cyclone

Bank manager asks Sardar in an interview: "What is cyclone"

Sardar: "It is the loan given to purchase a cycle"

6.       Side Effects

Once Sardar brought some tablets and started cutting the edges. Do you know why? He wanted to avoid side effects!

7.       Advice

A famous Sardar's declaration to the media: "I will never marry in my life. And I will advise the same to my children too"

8.       Oxygen

Teacher: Oxygen is very essential to life. It was discovered in 1773

Sardar: Thank God!! I was born after 1773. Had I been born earlier, I would have died...

9.       Skeleton

Interviewer: What is a skeleton?

Sardar: Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting, but forgot to stop it !!

10.   Starting Salary

MD: I will give you a driver's job. Starting salary is 2000 Rupees.

Sardar: Oh, thank you. What is the driving salary and stopping salary?

11.   New moon day

ISRO sent a Sardar to Moon. Sardar got into rocket, but jumped halfway, shouting "How dare you cheat me. Today is new moon day. There will be no moon"

12.   Mirror

Boss: Ek achcha mirror leke ao, jisme mujhe mera chehra dikhayi de.

Sardar: Boss, mein sab dukaan gaya , par sab mein mere hi chehra dikha... Apka chehra dikhanewala kahin nahi mila.

13. Hindi and English

Sardarni to a doctor: Mera beta motorcycle se gir gaya

Doctor: I can't understand Hindi. Can you tell in English

Sardarni: My londa gironda from Hero Honda

14.   Yes/No

Sardar reported for his university final examination, which consists of Yes/No type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on.

Sardar replies, "I'm rechecking my answers and I don't think I did very good."

15.   Microsoft Office

Interviewer: Do you know Microsoft Office?

Sardar: No, but I can find it if you give address...

16.   Calender

A person went to a Sardar's shop.

Person: I want 2012 calender

Sardar: Sorry sir, you are too late. We have only 1000 calenders left

17.  Lottery

Sardar bought a lottery ticket for 10 Rs. Luckily Sardar won 10 crores for that. He went to the shop to collect the prize money. The owner cut the tax and gave him 7 crores.

Sardar: Give me full 10 crores or give my 10 Rs. back

18.   Imagination

Sardar went to an interview.

Interviewer: Imagine that you are in the fifteenth floor. Suddenly fire bursts out, and there are many people who are struggling to survive. In that situation, what do you do ?

Sardar: Oye! I will stop imagining

19.   ATM PIN

Sardar was drawing money from ATM.

A person, who was just behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****).

Sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Ha! You are wrong. Its 1258."

20.   Sun v/s Moon

Sardar's theory: The moon is more important than the sun, because the moon gives light at night when it is needed, but the sun gives light during day when it is available abundantly...

The Pig & The Horse‏

There was a farmer who collected horses; he only needed one more breed to complete his collection. One day, he found out that his neighbor had the particular horse breed he needed. So, he constantly bothered his neighbor until he sold it to him. A month later, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: - Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down.
Nearby, the pig listened closely to their conversation.
The next day, they gave him the medicine and left. The pig approached the horse and said: - Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!
On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left. The pig came back and said: - Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three...
On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said: - Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.
After they left, the pig approached the horse and said: - Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on.... Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!
All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting: - It's a miracle! My horse is cured. This deserves a party.
Let's kill the pig!
Points for reflection: this often happens in the workplace. Nobody truly knows which employee actually deserves the merit of success, or who's actually contributing the necessary support to make things happen.

(received in a email)

Miracles in life

This is email I received on aurangabad_ca yahoo group send by on group member Rakesh Sharma radheykrishna1@yahoo.in

---

Man O Man

When without money,

eats wild vegetables at home
When has money,

eats same wild vegetables in fine restaurant.

---

When without money,

rides bicycle;
When has money,

rides exercise machine.

---

When without money,

walks to earn food
When has money,

walks to lose the fat

---

Man O Man ! 

never fails to deceive thyself !

---

When without money,

wishes to get married;
When has money,

wishes to get divorced.

---

When without money,

wife becomes secretary;
When has money,

secretary becomes wife.

---

When without money, acts like rich man;
When has money, acts like poor man.

---

Man, O Man, never can tell the simple truth !

---

Says share market is bad

but keeps speculating;
Says money is evil

but keeps accumulating.
Says high positions are lonely

but keeps wanting them.
Says gambling & drinking is bad

but keeps indulging;

Man O Man !

Never means what he says

and

never says what he means!

THERE ARE NO MIRACLES IN LIFE.

LIFE ITSELF IS A MIRACLE!

Hahahaaaaa!!!!

 

This email was send to me by my friend Mr. Asif Ali Siddique, of A.A. SIDDIQUIE & ASSOCIATES Advocates High court,Bombay.

Asif Ali Siddique is a senior advocate at Practicing at Bombay High Court. He specializes in Property Matter Cases. 

Freddie, a farmer, ordered an expensive milking machine.
He then decided to test it on himself first, so he insert his manhood into the equipment and turned on the switch.
Soon he realizes that the equipment provides him with more pleasure than his wife does. But when the fun is over, he realizes that he cannot remove the instrument from his tool, anxiously he reads the manual, but does not find any useful information.
He tries every button on the instrument, without success. finally the farmer decides to call the customer hotline. 'Hello, I just bought a milking cow machine from your company, It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?''
"Don't worry sir'', replies the customer service person, ''the machine will release automatically once it has collected two litres!".....

Quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu :

 

this email was end to me by my friend Mr. Prakaash Bodwaani

Quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu :

1.That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

2.There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.

3.Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

4.This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

5.Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.

6.Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

8.He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

9.The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings!

10.Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a bar!

15.The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls!

16.Indian team without Sachin is like giving Kiss without a Squeeze.

17.Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

19.He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

20.This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain T&T "Eddie ichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."

22.You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

23.The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.

24.Kumble's bowling at the moment is flat as a Dosa.

Lessons in Management

This email was send to me by my friend Mr. Prakash Bodwani. Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.   Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.   The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"   "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.   The nun said, "Father,remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.   The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. Lesson 4: An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Lesson 5: A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, "sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.   The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. Lesson 6: A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.   Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut! THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

SARDARJI Is Back

 

These jokes were emailed to me by me friend Dr. Samir B. Sonawala.

Dr Samir Sonawala is a Consulting Homeopath practising at Andheri, Mumbai.

SARDARJI  Is Back  -------and how?  Sardar: I haven't slept all night in the train. Friend: Why? Sardar: Got upper berth. Friend: Why didn't u exchange? Sardar: Oye! There was nobody to exchange in the lower berth. A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. After seeing the Form he had gone to Delhi for filling it up. You know why? Form said:'Fill Up In Capital.'. Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth. Why? Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light !' One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking. Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor. At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter! At 25th floor he remembers I'm unmarried! At 10th floor he remembers I'm Banta not Santa! On a romantic date sardars girl friend asks him: 'Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?' He said: 'Sure ! What's your phone number?' Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever. What will come first, chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first. A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!' What does a sardar do after taking a Xerox? He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes. Why can't sardars dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency? They cannot find the eleven on the phone. Sardar and his wife buy coffee in a shop. Sardar: Drink quickly. Wife: Why? Sardar: Hot coffee Rs 5 and cold coffee Rs 10 Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!  Sardar news: A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more. Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says 'Chin Yu Yan' and dies. Sardar goes to China to find meaning of friends last words. It is 'You are standing on the oxygen tube!' Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. Wife: What you are doing? Sardar: I am seeing how I look while sleeping